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GAME DETAILS
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World Cup Qualifier
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Attendance: 17,500
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DT92 Members at this game: (you can click here to load your profile picture) |
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weareqpr
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miles gas
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robert didd
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TonyP MCFC
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Cotswoldstokie
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Jack came too watched the England game in Barcelona at the home of Espanol.
There''s a fear of failure, speaking honestly. So England captain John Terry has been telling it as it is, giving it to us straight.
It''s been like that for the last couple of years now. It''s not something you can put your finger on. I don''t think we''ll be able to go out there and completely change it overnight. This is Andorra they''re playing tonight, remember.
We need the fans behind us, even if it''s 0-0 and 30 minutes or 40 minutes in. Yep, Andorra.
Fabio mixes it up: With Rio Ferdinand injured and Ricardo Carvalho Portuguese, tonight it''s Joleon Lescott''s turn to hold John Terry''s hand at centre-half. Theo Walcott starts up front, while Glen Johnson replaces Wes Brown at right-back. And Stewart Downing will roam up and down the left wing, while David Beckham is not in the starting line-up. Oh me, oh my.
Obvious Yet Still Highly Amusing Joke dept. Despite England''s fear of failure, they''re remarkably good at it. Ladies and gentlemen, please be upstanding and give a warm round of applause to Mac Millings.
It''s time for the national anthems. THAT''S JUST GREAT. The wonderful thing about God Save The Queen is that one can sing the lyrics to it without using any consonants, letting the jaw swing sadly in the breeze. Which, by the sound of it, is something the England support set about proving. The Andorra one is a pretty jaunty brass number, a bit like a mid-90s Blur b-side.
Andorra: Koldo, Ayala, Txema, Sonejee, Antoni Lima, Ildefons Lima, Pujol, Vieira, Silva, Jimenez, Andorra.
Subs: Josep Anton Gomez, Fernandez, Toscano, Riera, Escura, Vales, Moreno.
England: James, Johnson, Lescott, Terry, Ashley Cole, Walcott, Barry, Lampard, Downing, Rooney, Defoe. Subs: Robinson, Brown, Bridge, Joe Cole, Beckham, Bentley, Heskey.
Referee: Cuneyt Cakir (Turkey)
And it''s kick off! And it nearly kicks off! Walcott zips down the right immediately and slides the ball across into the six-yard area. Lampard and Defoe go in for the ball but Koldo gets there first. At which point Defoe''s boot connects with the keeper, causing a minor melee involving about ten players. Please stop it, you gaggle of dim goons, you''re all grown men, the referee should say, but doesn''t.
2 min: Another fine piece of play by Walcott, who uses his pace and no little strength to get ahead of Txema down the inside-right channel and lift a shot over Koldo... and over the bar. A bright start from Walcott.
5 min: A hilarious game of knee pinball is played out in the Andorra box. Eventually the ball breaks out towards Johnson, whose rasping shot is deflected wide. What follows is a perfect English corner, in the sense that it''s hoofed witlessly over everyone''s head, causing no danger whatsoever. Re Mac''s point, begins Gary Naylor, I''m glad to see that England are not complacent about their fear of failure. Despite being already good at it, they practise whenever they get the chance.
9 min: England enjoy a lot of possession without necessarily getting anywhere. Which on the one hand isn''t so great, but then on the other, they''ve still got the ball. Could Capello have taught these people some patience? It''s hard to believe, isn''t it.
10 min: Ah yes, patience. John Terry takes the initiative and attempts a Steven Gerrardesque raking 40-yard crossfield pass to Ashley Cole on the left. It''s a perfect facsimile of a Gerrard ball, as it flies into the stands about ten yards over Cole''s head. Patience!
13 min: Andy Murray, already one set up against Rafa Nadal in the semi-final of the US Open, has just served out to take the second set to a tie-brea... hold on, I''m supposed to be watching the football... England win a corner, Barry''s long pass forward pinging off Andorra. The corner comes to nothing, but Terry does his bit by nutting Tony Lima by accident. Hold on, wasn''t Tony Lima a golfer who died in an air crash in the 1960s?
17 min: Rooney has a slash from 20 yards: it''s high, wide and very, very useless. Is it a fear of failure or are they just not very good at what they do? wonders Mark Judd. Discuss. I''m staying out of this.
22 min: Walcott has been bodychecked by Tony Lima. He stays down for a couple of minutes, but eventually gets up. There really isn''t a lot to report, I''m so very sorry.
25 min: This is a thundering non-event, another extremely flat performance by England. Who, for all their possession, haven''t created much of note against the team ranked 183rd in the world. Very poor, though their hapless display has been the genesis of this fantastic pun from Gareth Carpenter: I think England are afraid that all the evils of the world will be unleashed if they actually manage to get into Andorra''s box.
28 min: Downing swings one in from the left wing. Defoe, standing in the D, swings a boot at it and flays it way over the bar. This is far from impressive.
33 min: Here, I''ve forgotten to tell you how badly Frank Lampard is playing. I''m not sure if he''s touched the ball once. Still, I''m not going to upbraid him for it, not while Paul Silton can do the job: Can you please ask any Chelsea fans out there if it is just televised matches that Frank Lampard goes missing in, or is he not that fussy?
34 min: Credit where credit''s due, though. Lampard takes a corner from the left: it''s deep, and very dangerous indeed, finding Lescott at the far post. The central defender heads the ball neatly back into the path of Barry, who screws his shot wide left when it was surely easier to score. Fantastic dead-ball delivery from Lampard, and so nearly the first goal.
37 min: As Downing swings a terrible cross through the area and out of play, Rooney almost breaking his neck to watch it sail out of play, the boos begin to ring out from the England end. Oh dear. At least they gave Steve McClaren''s side until half-time. The law of attraction states that you get more of what you focus on, writes Chris MacFarlane. In our case it''s a deep-rooted love of blame and losing (obviously). The two go hand in hand. You could add chips to that list. But most importantly BLAME. And losing. Having said that, you know England will score with seven minutes to go.
40 min: Yet again Downing swings a ball boxward which is far too high. Koldo claims with little fuss. This is utterly abject play by England.
43 min: What Downing can do from the left, Walcott can do from the right. This is priceless, in a way.
45 min: There will, thankfully, only be one more minute of this dismal half.
Half-time: Andorra 0-0 Utter Shower and Shambles. Dear God. England are awful. The team are booed off by their own fans. In Andorra. Again. That it''s come to this.
And we''re off again! England can''t be as bad again, surely. Joe Cole replaces Downing, while Emile Heskey replaces Defoe.
46 min: Heskey''s first contribution is to clatter into Pujol and concede a free kick. Seconds later Barry bowls the same player over. This is supremely witless.
48 min: GOAL!!! Andorra 0-1 England. Silva upends Johnson - booking. The free kick is sent into the area from the right by Lampard, guided back across the face of goal by Lescott to Joe Cole, who is in acres and wallops the ball high into the net. Three minutes, that took him. He''s well within his rights to look pleased, but the same can''t be said of the players hugging him, none of whom have the decency to look sheepish or ashamed.
51 min: Now Marcio picks up a yellow after tugging away on Heskey''s shirt in the centre circle. Several England players are suddenly strutting around like they are 4-0 up after 20 minutes against Spain or Argentina, which is a bit of a cheek, really.
54 min: GOAL!!! Andorra 0-2 Joe Cole. A lovely goal, this, straight down the middle of the pitch. Barry slips the ball along the ground to Rooney, who immediately helps it further down the pitch, splitting the Andorra back line and releasing Joe Cole in the box. He makes no mistake in forcing the ball past the advancing Koldo and into the net. This is quite a substitution, two goals in nine minutes. The rest of them want to hang their heads in shame.
57 min: Tony Lima is booked for asking the referee to caution Heskey. Why? I have no idea, nor any desire to wing it.
61 min: Poor Glen Johnson: from the right-hand side of the area he hammers a low shot into the bottom left corner, threading the ball through about ten bodies but somehow missing them all. Except Joe Cole, that is, the greedy get: he''s offside but tries a fancy flick to guide it on anyway, ruling the strike out. You''ve already got two, man! Give someone else a chance.
65 min: This game is dead, we might as well all go home now. James Austen, however, is in a pub where the satellite signal was lost for the vast majority of the first half. Only a few people have left: the punters remaining loyal in the teeth of frustration. My evening has become something of a scene from a wartime movie where small audiences huddle around a radio listening for news of victory. We''re not missing much, then? Nope, you are missing nothing. Things would have to be very bad in your life at the moment for you to derive any sort of pleasure or contentment from two goals in nine minutes against Andorra.
67 min: Andorra win a corner. From it, Lescott wrestles Tony Lima to the ground, which looks like a penalty to me. It''s not given, though. Is Andorra a real place then? wonders Chris Taylor. I assumed it was one of those made up towns like Timbuktu, or Tipperary. Still, well done Joe Cole. In many ways he''s the new David Nugent.
72 min: Nothing is going on here. Nothing. So presumably Slaven Bilic is not currently on the phone to Iceland begging them for an escape route before Wednesday, writes Robin Hazlehurst. Seems unlikely he will be suffering The Fear, unlike his opponents. The Croatians will sleep like babies tonight.
76 min: Lampard tries to sashay through the middle of the Andorra defence, but he was never going to slalom through six players. He passes two before the ball is whipped off his toe. It really isn''t that pleasant an experience to watch Frank Lampard sashay, incidentally.
80 min: To wild cheers, Lampard is taken off while Beckham runs on. Once again, Lampard looks far from happy at being taken off.
83 min: Rooney tries to lift a cross from the right to Heskey at the far post, but it''s woefully off target and sails out of play. Apart from helping on Barry''s ball for Joe Cole''s second goal, he has done absolutely nothing.
87 min: Beckham swings a free kick into the area from the left. Terry gets his head to it but can''t keep the ball down, sending it miles over the bar from eight yards. This has been a lumpen display, though things could be worse. France are 2-0 down at half time to Austria, reports Adam Levine. Raymond Domenech''s eyebrows look like they have finally taken on a life of their own.
90 min: There are going to be seven more minutes of this. Ah hold on, the number seven Pujol is coming off for Vales. There will be two more minutes of this. Thank Christ for that.
Full time: Andorra 0-2 England. A solid workmanlike start to England''s World Cup campaign, which is all that matters? Or a disgraceful performance against a bunch of part-timers, and one which does not bode well for Wednesday night in Croatia? I''ll leave it up to you.
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wrrxh04
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Goal Scorers for England... Joe Cole (2) 49''55''
Andorra Line-UP
Jose Maria Txema
Manolo Jimenez
Koldo Alvarez
Antoni Lima
Josep Ayala
Marc Pujol
Ildefons Lima
Xavi Andorra
Marcio Vieira
Fernando Silva
Oscar Sonejee
Substitutes
Josep Anton Gomez
Marc Vales *
Jordi Escura
Juan Carlos Toscano **
Juli Fernandez ***
Gabi Riera
Sergi Moreno
England Line-Up
David James 6
John Terry 5
Joleon Lescott 6
Glen Johnson 6
Ashley Cole 6
Frank Lampard 6
Gareth Barry 6
Stewart Downing 4
Jermain Defoe 5
Wayne Rooney 6
Theo Walcott 7
Substitutes
Paul Robinson
Wes Brown 6
Wayne Bridge
David Beckham *
David Bentley
Joe Cole ** 8
Emile Heskey ***
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rsn
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PDM
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stevebwfc
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palace93
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nicky didd
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Steve Ward
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oldschool
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bazman
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RandomJack
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World cup qualifier played in Barcelona at the (then) home of espanol - the Olympic Stadium. England score two second half goals
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jackboodell
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muzza2TV
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Kyle Didd
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